Today I am saying goodbye to my engagement ring. I just put it on my left hand to wear it for the last time. There is still a lot of love in this ring. I still adore the way it sparkles when I type even under the grayest of gray Seattle winter skies. I recounted the day when Kevin proposed to me. I recounted the tears that welled up in my eyes when I found out he had commissioned my oldest friend (from kindergarten!) to make this.
I cried a little knowing that getting rid of this ring, along with changing my name back this week, is the epilogue to the tale of my first marriage. I never thought I’d have a marriage and even less so a “first marriage”. The reality of the situation is incredibly clear and I truly am at peace with it.
But no one really tells you what to do with the hugely sentimental “stuff” once the divorce is over. What do you do with the wedding pictures, the dress and the rings? They are all objects that capture the undeniably wonderful moments that we shared together yet they no longer have any real meaning or purpose other than to act as a placeholder of a lesson learned.
I’m more of a sentimentalist in thought than in physical objects I guess. That being said, this ring is truly dear to me.
My solution seems incredibly fitting. As an ex-metallurgist whose greatest lesson of the last few years has been “receiving”…I am shipping it to New York to my oldest friend who designed it. She has graciously offered to transmute it into the next incarnation. (This melts my heart with gratitude and love in so many indescribably beautiful ways.) So, I sit here and meditate on what I’d like this next incarnation of love to look like.
This next round, it’s a love that is just for me. Designed by me. Lived for me. Shared with others on a larger scale but always anchoring it in my heart first. The one thing that I am promising to never ever lose again is the self-confidence and love of myself. Ever.